Sunday, 5 July 2015

A Little Update | Finding 'You'

This post is something a little different. Sorry to disappoint but this won’t be a look inside my make up bag or a tour of my wardrobe, instead i’m going to talk you lovely readers through a little life update. In just a few months so many aspects of my life have changed entirely. I’ve stepped away from negative influences, reconnected with family and friends, rediscovered my music, met amazing people and laid exciting plans for the future. These changes have all been positive and have got me thinking about how things have a funny way of working themselves out… 

A couple of months ago I was in a pretty dark place (excuse the literary cliché, but it’s true) my anxiety was through the roof and every day was a struggle. Worst of all I didn’t speak up about it. I  found myself clinging to people who couldn’t help me for support and validation, and depending on ineffective coping mechanisms. I was on what can only be described as a self-destruct mission, feeling worthless and dealing with depression in isolation. But in a few short months things have completely turned around, and i’m so thankful! No, more than that, i’m proud. Proud that I was able to get out of my own head and learn to be happy. Truly, this summer i’m the happiest i’ve been in years, thanks to a few things… 

There is no magic ‘six step guide’ to battling your daemons and feeling positive, but here’s what’s helped me reinstall my enthusiasm for life this summer. 

  • Do it for you. This sounds like a daft first step, but it’s the only way to start on your positivity mission. For as long as I can remember I had been smiling for someone else and feeling for someone else. All this pretending for other people was getting me nowhere fast and my ambitions were put on hold by it. The only thing I allowed myself to feel for me was disappointment, never pride or happiness, they were always reserved for the ‘other'. It was this cocktail of negativity that facilitated the peak in my anxiety. Here’s what I worked out… Fundamentally, nobody else can install your self worth; and in hindsight, it’s a pretty selfish thing to expect from another person. I can’t remember exactly when I realised this, but I probably always knew it was an unfair expectation. Relying on someone to fuel your own self worth is a sure path to disappointment, especially when you’re relying on someone who is dealing with their own emotional junk (i.e. everyone). So, pull away, find your own reason to be happy - break away from relationships that are going nowhere, and live without a mission, make your only course of action finding fulfilment in achievements that are all yours. 

  • Remember what you do. Who am I? For a few years I truly felt irrelevant, in every capacity. Unnecessary at university, unwanted by my ‘friends’ and disliked by family/extended family (living in your head will do that to you). If you’re feeling a little unappreciated,  think about it. What makes you you? For me that’s aways been my music. Singing is something I put on hold after leaving school, I guess it was embarrassing to be successful and going at it alone wasn’t something people necessarily encouraged. But that’s the crux again, you’ve got to encourage yourself. How?  I started uploading covers more regularly, saying ‘yes’ when people asked me to sing at their events. Getting promo shots. Printing business cards. Before you know it, i’ve set up my own business and i’m a semi-pro function singer… Okay, HOW did that happen?! Honestly, the recipe is simple, a sprinkle of luck, a whole hug full of wonderful people and a cheeky dollop of self-belief. It is true that everything happens for a reason, but it might have happened quicker if you cut your losses and went for it earlier. 

  • Surround yourself with positivity. This is pretty clichéd (um, like everything you’ve said already Katy) but it’s so important. I completely took my pals for granted. Without going into details this time last year I was in a long term relationship and, as we all do when we’re in love I spent all my time with one person. But, this summer,  i’ve really reconnected with my girls, and wow, they are the most amazingly bonkers, golden-hearted, fun filled people I could ever hope to know. Reconnect with the people who know what to say, the people who go out with you, sip on cosmos with you, call you honey pot and make you laugh. They’re keepers and you owe them from all that time you spent being miserable around them. 
  • Lastly, make plans. This summer has been one adventure after the next and it’s only getting started. Book a train to see friends that have moved away, get tickets for that concert you’ve always wanted to see - plan a last minute girls holiday (shout out to my pals). Do things you regret (tick, tick, tick), kiss a few frogs, stay out too late, dance a little too hard to Taylor Swift in the morning, and live your life with purpose: be happy. 

Thanks for checking in guys! 

Lots of love 
Katy xoxo


Shannon Jordan | Karma's A Badword said...

This really helped me feel a little bit better about how I've been emotionally lately. I'm having a really hard time with my anxiety, and I know it sounds a little sinister, but it's nice to know someone has had the same troubles. It makes me feel a little more 'normal'. I'm glad that things are on the up for you, though - you really deserve to have a smile on your face and feel comfortable as you.

Much love.

Shan | Karma's A Badword

Katy 'J said...

I'm so glad that it's helped you a little Shannon. I know what that feels like, you don't want to talk to anyone incase they think you're crazy, but it can sometimes get too much. Just have a little faith in yourself gal, it's not so bad once you focus on you. Thank you, I really appreciate your lovely comment! <3

Roseanne Bradley said...

This is such a great, motivational post Katy! I hope you're feeling much better now :)
I think I'll try and adopt some of your steps into my daily life too, as I often find myself down when I have no reason to be, so thank you.

Love Rosie x

Katy 'J said...

Thank you Roseanne, i'm glad you enjoyed it!

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